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October 2005: My basic course happened in the month of Ramdhan.
(30-10-2005)-Month of Ramdhan: This was the day when I met Guruji for the first time. That was the last day of DSN and it was Sunday. Guruji had given appointment to meet all the DSN participants in Kashyap after Sunday satsang. After satsang, teacher called all DSN participants towards Kashyap. Everyone entered inside the Kashyap and started placing themselves. When I entered Kashyap, it was already full, from HIS seat. I had a strong desire to sit beside him. But, someone was already sitting in that place. I was sitting somewhere towards the end of the line. But, after sometime, that participant who was sitting besides Guruji’s seat left the place. For some time, that place was empty. Later, I got up from my place and sat on that place where I desired to sit that is besides Guruji’s seat.
I had come from home to ashram with a small chit on which 3 botherations were written. I lost it. One more slip I had written just before Guruji came. When Guruji entered the place, everyone stood up and sat down and somehow I lost that slip. I searched it here and there but I could not find the botheration slip.
Guruji himself started discussion about issues of Kashmir. One of participant tried to introduce to me to Guruji. She said, ‘His name is Hussain’. Guruji said, ‘I know him’.Someone asked why we can’t do something for Kashmir. Guruji replied pointing towards me, he will do.
Later, I started asking about my botherations. He said ‘Ella Agutthe’ (everything will happen)
I continued… Guruji, in satsang you had said, whoever following whichever Dharma…Let them follow them, don’t interfere. Why can’t we follow one path? Guruji pulled my cheek; he kept his left hand on my shoulder and said ‘you will do it’
Finally I said, Guruji I want Dheeksha. He said, ‘Be a Teacher’.
I had given ‘Celebrating Silence’ for his Autograph. He returned back this book with autograph with written ‘With lots of love. Ravishankar. (Later, I heard from DSN teacher that in last 7 years he had not seen Guruji holding his pen and giving autograph to someone).
He got up from his seat saying, clean up all the flowers spread across the room. And he left.
I started crying. My teacher explained, ‘you got the blank cheque of blessing…!!!’
That day I did not realize it but now I feel how lucky I am to be the chosen one.
Later after some years….my botherations started getting dissolved.
First, I got the job abroad,
Second, within 6 months at the age of 35 my elder sister got married.
Finally, I became a teacher.
On the last day of TTC ceremony (Feb, 2010) when he passed in front of me, he asked 3 times. ‘Now, are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy?’ I felt that may be as I had 3 botherations, so he might have asked 3 times ‘are you happy’?
August 12, 2011. Day of VaraMahalaxmi (Month of Ramdhan)
It was around 11 o’clock in the morning. He came out of his Kutir. On the path, I was waiting for him. I said, ‘I want to speak to you.’ Guruji said,’ Now I am going to pooja. I will speak to you later’. Sankalpa I had made, at any cost I will meet him. Really I required advice for self made botherations which accumulated the mind.
At the evening, I got an opportunity to meet Gurudev very closely.
Guruji asked me 'Hussain, Hegiddiya (hussain, how are you), he pulled my cheeks. (I had doubt, if he still remembers my name or not, because it was 6 years back that he called me by name)I was looking down in the beginning, but then I slowly raised my head and looked into his large eyes. (Every time if I get an opportunity to meet or see him, I look into his eyes rather than his feet and hands)
Our eyes met. I felt as if some energy is flowing in my body. Then some burden in my mind like a huge cloud started evaporating. I had built some concepts about what 'I want to do, I don’t want to do', 'I want nothingness' etc….all of them were broken. I had made all these concepts may be because of knowledge read in books or may be because I was in a inert or lazy state of mind. Now I felt that everything is OK-whatever happened happened for well and thought about becoming more centered. I thought “I won’t act or react on anything. I won’t bother. Let me be myself. I flow with the Time...!!!” I was hiding myself behind the knowledge by ignoring everything rather than becoming 'aware of everything'. Before, I used to see myself away from reality, real world. Now I felt that I am getting very close to it. May be I was becoming more aware of reality. Now, may be I am becoming more active, putting more effort to be in Action, Speech and Thoughts. May be this is the thing for which I was looking all my life.
After saying few words, he took a laddu and gave it to me. I stretched my hand and he kept laddu on the palm. Holding laddu in my hand I said, ‘Guruji! I am fasting’ Guruji took back his laddu from my hand, and was about to keep the laddu where it was before he gave me…
Still my hand was stretched and I was thinking ‘I may eat later, if he gives’. Guruji thinking something, again gave the laddu to me saying, ‘you eat it later’
Evening ‘Iftar’ was done by having sweets given by Guruji.
When I came out of the Ganga kutir. Some thoughts arose in my mind. I thought “When will I become so close to the Guruji that he calls me himself?”
Within 20 days it came true on the day of ‘Eid-ul-Fitr’
August 31, 2011. Day of ‘Eid-Ul-Fitr (Ramdhan)’
I was in Eidgah Maidhan for Eid-ul-Fitr namaz. Mobile was in silent mode. After completion of Namaz, I looked at my mobile and there was one missed call from unknown number and one message saying ‘please call back’. I called back to same number. ‘Jai Gurudev, this is Kishore, Guruji’s secretary. Do you remember me?’ a voice said from the other side. For some time I paused, thinking ‘who’s this?’ But as I had to reply back, I said ‘haan…kishore ji boliye’. Kishore ji replied back “Guruji is calling to you for today’s satsang. And you need to say about love, kindness from Quran”. I said, ‘I am not fluent in Arabic, shall I bring Imam?’. Kishoreji replied, ‘I will ask Guruji, hold for a while’. Later he replied, ‘you come alone before satsang.’
During whole day till I reached ashram…something was cooking in my mind. ‘Guruji mujhse kya karwa rahe hain..(What does he want me to do)’? And I was so happy by thinking that Divine himself has invited me, what more gift is required for ‘eid ul fitr’. As I was thinking this….I had started sweating. I felt as if something in the mind became empty, calm and serene… depth of silence.
Then Guruji and whole crowd of VM listened to me….!!!
After becoming teacher also, somewhere in corner of my mind some hesitation was there to speak in front of large gatherings. Now I felt that all the hesitation got dissolved. Felt like I became one with consciousness. I felt like consciousness got expanded, it crossed all the botherations, all the boundaries. It left with confidence that from now onwards, I can face any kind of situation.
Before this, I used to feel that I have only one way connection with him (from my side). Now, I was feeling that connection has happened from both sides. Now, I felt his connection with me.
Hey Guru, you have given to me that which I never expected. Please keep showering your blessings like this forever. Give me strength to serve this humanity till my last breath.
Ameen…As God wish…!!!
Jai Guru Deva.
Syed Zabiuddin Hussaini
(30-10-2005)-Month of Ramdhan: This was the day when I met Guruji for the first time. That was the last day of DSN and it was Sunday. Guruji had given appointment to meet all the DSN participants in Kashyap after Sunday satsang. After satsang, teacher called all DSN participants towards Kashyap. Everyone entered inside the Kashyap and started placing themselves. When I entered Kashyap, it was already full, from HIS seat. I had a strong desire to sit beside him. But, someone was already sitting in that place. I was sitting somewhere towards the end of the line. But, after sometime, that participant who was sitting besides Guruji’s seat left the place. For some time, that place was empty. Later, I got up from my place and sat on that place where I desired to sit that is besides Guruji’s seat.
I had come from home to ashram with a small chit on which 3 botherations were written. I lost it. One more slip I had written just before Guruji came. When Guruji entered the place, everyone stood up and sat down and somehow I lost that slip. I searched it here and there but I could not find the botheration slip.
Guruji himself started discussion about issues of Kashmir. One of participant tried to introduce to me to Guruji. She said, ‘His name is Hussain’. Guruji said, ‘I know him’.Someone asked why we can’t do something for Kashmir. Guruji replied pointing towards me, he will do.
Later, I started asking about my botherations. He said ‘Ella Agutthe’ (everything will happen)
I continued… Guruji, in satsang you had said, whoever following whichever Dharma…Let them follow them, don’t interfere. Why can’t we follow one path? Guruji pulled my cheek; he kept his left hand on my shoulder and said ‘you will do it’
Finally I said, Guruji I want Dheeksha. He said, ‘Be a Teacher’.
I had given ‘Celebrating Silence’ for his Autograph. He returned back this book with autograph with written ‘With lots of love. Ravishankar. (Later, I heard from DSN teacher that in last 7 years he had not seen Guruji holding his pen and giving autograph to someone).
He got up from his seat saying, clean up all the flowers spread across the room. And he left.
I started crying. My teacher explained, ‘you got the blank cheque of blessing…!!!’
That day I did not realize it but now I feel how lucky I am to be the chosen one.
Later after some years….my botherations started getting dissolved.
First, I got the job abroad,
Second, within 6 months at the age of 35 my elder sister got married.
Finally, I became a teacher.
On the last day of TTC ceremony (Feb, 2010) when he passed in front of me, he asked 3 times. ‘Now, are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy?’ I felt that may be as I had 3 botherations, so he might have asked 3 times ‘are you happy’?
August 12, 2011. Day of VaraMahalaxmi (Month of Ramdhan)
It was around 11 o’clock in the morning. He came out of his Kutir. On the path, I was waiting for him. I said, ‘I want to speak to you.’ Guruji said,’ Now I am going to pooja. I will speak to you later’. Sankalpa I had made, at any cost I will meet him. Really I required advice for self made botherations which accumulated the mind.
At the evening, I got an opportunity to meet Gurudev very closely.
Guruji asked me 'Hussain, Hegiddiya (hussain, how are you), he pulled my cheeks. (I had doubt, if he still remembers my name or not, because it was 6 years back that he called me by name)I was looking down in the beginning, but then I slowly raised my head and looked into his large eyes. (Every time if I get an opportunity to meet or see him, I look into his eyes rather than his feet and hands)
Our eyes met. I felt as if some energy is flowing in my body. Then some burden in my mind like a huge cloud started evaporating. I had built some concepts about what 'I want to do, I don’t want to do', 'I want nothingness' etc….all of them were broken. I had made all these concepts may be because of knowledge read in books or may be because I was in a inert or lazy state of mind. Now I felt that everything is OK-whatever happened happened for well and thought about becoming more centered. I thought “I won’t act or react on anything. I won’t bother. Let me be myself. I flow with the Time...!!!” I was hiding myself behind the knowledge by ignoring everything rather than becoming 'aware of everything'. Before, I used to see myself away from reality, real world. Now I felt that I am getting very close to it. May be I was becoming more aware of reality. Now, may be I am becoming more active, putting more effort to be in Action, Speech and Thoughts. May be this is the thing for which I was looking all my life.
After saying few words, he took a laddu and gave it to me. I stretched my hand and he kept laddu on the palm. Holding laddu in my hand I said, ‘Guruji! I am fasting’ Guruji took back his laddu from my hand, and was about to keep the laddu where it was before he gave me…
Still my hand was stretched and I was thinking ‘I may eat later, if he gives’. Guruji thinking something, again gave the laddu to me saying, ‘you eat it later’
Evening ‘Iftar’ was done by having sweets given by Guruji.
When I came out of the Ganga kutir. Some thoughts arose in my mind. I thought “When will I become so close to the Guruji that he calls me himself?”
Within 20 days it came true on the day of ‘Eid-ul-Fitr’
August 31, 2011. Day of ‘Eid-Ul-Fitr (Ramdhan)’
I was in Eidgah Maidhan for Eid-ul-Fitr namaz. Mobile was in silent mode. After completion of Namaz, I looked at my mobile and there was one missed call from unknown number and one message saying ‘please call back’. I called back to same number. ‘Jai Gurudev, this is Kishore, Guruji’s secretary. Do you remember me?’ a voice said from the other side. For some time I paused, thinking ‘who’s this?’ But as I had to reply back, I said ‘haan…kishore ji boliye’. Kishore ji replied back “Guruji is calling to you for today’s satsang. And you need to say about love, kindness from Quran”. I said, ‘I am not fluent in Arabic, shall I bring Imam?’. Kishoreji replied, ‘I will ask Guruji, hold for a while’. Later he replied, ‘you come alone before satsang.’
During whole day till I reached ashram…something was cooking in my mind. ‘Guruji mujhse kya karwa rahe hain..(What does he want me to do)’? And I was so happy by thinking that Divine himself has invited me, what more gift is required for ‘eid ul fitr’. As I was thinking this….I had started sweating. I felt as if something in the mind became empty, calm and serene… depth of silence.
Then Guruji and whole crowd of VM listened to me….!!!
After becoming teacher also, somewhere in corner of my mind some hesitation was there to speak in front of large gatherings. Now I felt that all the hesitation got dissolved. Felt like I became one with consciousness. I felt like consciousness got expanded, it crossed all the botherations, all the boundaries. It left with confidence that from now onwards, I can face any kind of situation.
Before this, I used to feel that I have only one way connection with him (from my side). Now, I was feeling that connection has happened from both sides. Now, I felt his connection with me.
Hey Guru, you have given to me that which I never expected. Please keep showering your blessings like this forever. Give me strength to serve this humanity till my last breath.
Ameen…As God wish…!!!
Jai Guru Deva.
Syed Zabiuddin Hussaini
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